Sunday, June 2, 2013

What an amazing weekend.... I just finished my fourth course in the CTI curriculum towards certification, it was called Process. This class is all about being with a feeling and enabling the client to be with their feelings without the coach rushing in to fix something or move quickly around it because the coach themselves aren't comfortable with emotions. In silence, realizations are sparked. Amazing transformations that the chatter of the mind or voice would never be able to comprehend or articulate are born. Pure being, what an amazing sense of freedom.

This weekend was life changing. Not only did I find myself among an amazing group of people who I fondly refer to as my family, but something shifted in my being. The term ALONE came up for me and how I am terrified to feel this way. However, I have also discovered that I am so afraid to have people know the real me for fear of abandonment or dismissal, that I have built barriers around my heart so no one can get close. This creates separation, and in the end, me feeling alone. Huge paradox, don't you think?

What we can't live with dictates how we construct our world. We start off with clean slate, nothing is out of reach. As time passes and influences seep into our unconsciousness, our world starts growing smaller as we cut out what we don't want or can't live with. In the end, what was once a clear open space, is a mere segment. We run around wondering why we feel stuck and contained, spinning our wheels, longing for something more. Something bigger.

I invite you to make a list of the emotions that you can't live with and see how you have constructed your space to minimize or even completely eliminate them. There is power in sitting in uncomfortability and when you get to the other side no words can describe the magic that happens.

From here on in, my vow is to dive right in, and be Jenna, every square ounce of her. In the end, my true friends will be by my side and I will be free of the walls I built around my heart, for oh so many years. 

Much love,
Jenna

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