It's been easy to see lately how far I have come in a short 7 month period. My intuition is sharper and louder, the people who weren't aligned with who I am becoming have fallen away and those who are aligned are continually showing up in random unexpected places. I am more at peace and settled way down in the depths of my soul that had not seen any light or have been attented to for a long long time.
With this new found way of being, it opens me up to feel more. The emotions penetrate an unguarded self and are far more powerful not having to cut through so many layers of unattended emotions. This is both positive and negative.
Positive, because I am able to feel and appreciate raw emotions and are far better equipped to deal with them. Negative because those raw emotions can trigger more 'stuff' that need to be dealt with. It is an ongoing process. I think most spiritual/enlightened people have to deal with keeping 'clean' on an ongoing basis.
Where I am at right now, is past the tipping point of waiting for something to happen. Things ARE happening, but at their own pace. Frustrating, to say the least, to a person who is impatient. How does one handle the intense feeling of "I must get this done now" and just "be" Thousands of thoughts swirling around, picking up other thoughts on their journey until I feel as if I can't breath or handle it. The answer? I have no clue, and boy I wish I did. That dreaded word PATIENCE haunts me continually but I cherish it. Once you have all you want immediately, what's left? The joy and gratitude comes from the hard work put into something that you really want and desire, sacrificing and travelling the path.
I once heard that people are 'happy' when they are learning a new skill, getting better and finally excelling at it. Once they reach that point, a new skill or hobby will take their attention to bring another feeling of 'happy'. If you look at this but in the bigger picture, we are always learning to be a better self, how to be a better person to others and continually get 'better.' This means to me that if we are in our purest form and connected with self/intuition/universe, we will always be 'happy'. Now, happy takes on a lot of different meanings, depending on the source, but to me it is a state of peace, calm, love and selflessness.
A thought keeps popping up, I will write a book. Not a fiction book, but more of what I think and have learned so this will teach others who will travel this path and need guidance. This is more than looming and who knows, as I heard someone wonderful say, you can always change your mind. What a great concept!
That's it for now, a small outpouring of what has been swirling around in my head, easy on the specific details.
I am grateful for so many things, one of them lies here beside me and sleeps soundly as I type, oblivious to the external stressors and things she will have to face as an adult. My duty is to love her unconditionally and equip her with all the necessary skills she will need to be who she is, wonderful, caring, compassionate, a bit dramatic, but nonetheless, still her. XX
Love and light,
Jenna
