And so it is

Wasn't really sure what to call this post. I'm not sure one word or phrase can express where I am in my journey. Since the Reiki Mastery, my world has really been shaken up and turned inside out. People and situations have been coming out of the woodwork to both help me heal and test my strength. I feel vulnerable and childlike. My strength today is now allowing me to revisit feelings from the past that have affected me in not so positive ways to this day.

This creates a feeling of confusion and reflection. Have I done all this internal work for nothing? Why do I feel as small as ever?

Then I stepped back and my answer came. My inner child, who has been crying out all these years to be healed, finally has her chance to work through her issues and finally catch up to who I am today. She was left on the back burner for a lot of years and ignored, by me. She was tuned out, drowned out and dismissed only because I couldn't deal with her. I wasn't strong enough nor did I have enough energy to give away.

Now, she takes center stage, only because it is necessary for the integration into my being, as I am now. I sit back on the sidelines, watching her throw temper tantrums, stick up for what her tiny being believes in and generally make life difficult for herself. I stand back with patience, love and grace because I know her time has come. She is growing and changing, reluctantly, but all the same.

The situations and people around are blessings and are testing her to the max. Feelings of abandonment, loss, lack of self worth and she struggles, oh she struggles. The difference now is that she has a protector. There is no need for confusion, sadness or lack of confidence anymore. We found home and peace, girl. Sit back and just relax. You be the little child and bring back the fun, leave the rest to me.

This post is for you, little J, love you and it's time to grow up and to all those people who are helping her heal.

XO